With the New Year on the horizon, many are beginning to evaluate the year that is coming to a close. Others are starting to contemplate what they'd like to be and do differently in 2010. Personally, I become much more reflective about such things around my birthday. This event, like the holiday season, seemed to creep up, tap me on the shoulder and shout, "BOO". November 12, came and went without much pomp and circumstance although the day after my wonderful HD planned a small surprise gathering featuring my absolute favorite board game and a new-to-us extension!!!
It wasn't until the very end of my birthday, while lying in bed reviewing the day's events, did I realize that there seemed not to be any future goals in place, nor a record of lessons learned from the year gone by. So, I decided to sit on the dock while the sandman in my dreamboat past me by.
A friend once shared a theory about how we learn with me. She suggested that each new piece of information we learn is like a new string hung in ceiling of our mind. When we learn something new that pertains to our current knowledge base the two strings are tied together. As new strings are added more strings are tied together. It occurred to me that with all of the information I am learning and how interconnected it seemed to be, I must have a knot in my mind. Recently, it seems as though everything I was imputing was connected. From conversations with friends, music being listed to, sermons, books, advice, letters dropped randomly in the mail, a theme seemed to emerge. I decided to take a second look at the knot in my mind, this time from a different direction. What I saw wasn't a knot at all. It was a beautiful intricate web, with the most complex pattern.
This ignited a small fire of encouragement in my spirit. Everything that is happening around me are lessons that I am learning. They are shaping me into something more beautiful than I could ever imagine. God is gently teaching me to see me how He sees me.
The overall lesson of the last year was: Be. Being in This moment is all I can do. I can't change what I did even two minutes ago just as much as I can know what two minutes in the future will bring. All I have is right now. God has me gifted this present moment. I am worthy of it. Am I allowing my purpose to manifest itself right now? This is something that I am striving to live with every breath.
To build on this in the coming year, my goal is to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. There is a list, as long as my elasti-girl arms, of things that I'd like to be different about myself and my life. But all I have is now. Most likely, tomorrow, if I wake, things will not be perfect. That's okay because through this next year I will allow myself to Be.